I DO…I Just Can’t Say When “I Do”

The Ring

I am not a newlywed. Not even close, my husband and I have been married for what can seem like an eternity sometimes! (I’m sure he feels the same way!)

Over the past few years I’ve had a ton of my friends and family members get married…which is neither here nor there to me to be honest.

But I have a friend who at the end of last year got engaged and has been planning her wedding since then….poor thing is now trying to finish plans up during the quarantine…

She shares, and vents, her journey with me as I tend to be a very good listener. The biggest thing is not knowing. She can’t send out invitations because she has no idea how many people are going to be allowed to gather for her wedding.

The day is fast approching and I really feel for her. Planning a wedding, espically a big one, is already “jump out of a moving cab to fight a cat for giving you the stank-eye” crazy stressful. Then add in the fact that everything is closed and limited as far as numbers of people. Her venue is up in the air, the food is up in the air, deposits are paid and partially able to be refunded…if needed.

I’am in her wedding and she is a very dear friend of mine, her fiance is as well. We have already made and cancelled two difference bachelorette parties and the third is in the works as a combo party for both bride and groom.

The first trip was planned and paid for way before the “world time-out” started, and we were only able to get a partial refund or credit for our air B&B. Then the second plan never got off the ground due to everyones work schedules being either crazy busy or they were laid off and broke.

The third trip seems to be good. But I’ll be damned if this hasn’t been a nightmare for this poor dear. The good news is that some of the states and counties are opening back up so maybe all that was planned can go off without any further speed bumps.

I will say that love is a beautiful thing, as they both agreed that since the date that they want to be married is very important to them that they will still get married that day..no matter what…even if they have to have a four person ceremony in front of a judge! Sweet right!? (she said this and I kinda threw up a little from the cheesiness!)

So wishing the best of luck to the happy couple, no matter when or how or who is there when they “tie the knot”!

S. Sanity

My Kids are Driving Me Nuts: Quarantine Edition

Let me start off by saying what every parent says when they are about to say horrible shit about their kids; I love my little monkeys to the moon and back. Now with that out of the way, those monsters can seriously drive me crazy! Crazy in a very special way…a way that only tiny people I’ve created can…

These creatures of mine have had this ability for quite some time now…so it is not a new feature…not a new talent they picked up…they were born with it and have been sharpening their skills from birth.

Sometimes its actually a bit impressive. Just don’t tell them that! (one day they will realize that they outnumber me and that day, ladies and gentlemen, will be a day for the books)

Now enter CORONA VIRUS!!?? Dun! Dun! Dun! Boom the world shuts down….

No school….

No work…

No daycare…

No travel…

No shopping…

Required masks…..

“essential wokers”….

Stimulus checks…

All of this going on and as confused as we are as adults, our children are even more confused…and they are BORED out of their minds!! (mine have repeatedly told me that cleaning does NOT infact cure being bored) Nothing is more painful for a parent than a bored child…

The other day while I was trying to clean, and make my morning coffee… my two year old decides that he wants to jump….cool normal kids stand up and jump…right?….oh yeah my kid is not so normal…he climbs to the back (headrest) of the reclinder that is already falling apart and older than I am and says “Mommy Look! Jump!”

Looking up from the counter in the kitchen I see the horror that is my baby boy flying threw the air, the chair flings backwards hitting the sliding glass doors just as he lands on the ottoman stomach bouncing from the ottoman to the floor. All while letting out what can only be described as a “Chucky from Childs Play” giggle.

Cool kid, you are amazing, no really, now that I am drenched in “omg my kid is going to die” sweat and you didn’t actually die…I can say that you can color mommy impressed…now please DO NOT do that again or my heart may explode!!

Later that same day….still before the coffee is drank. A very…and I mean a very bored eight year old comes to me…for the 89374th time to remind me that “I’am still bored and want to have a snack but I dont know what I want and can I watch videos on YouTube?”

*small sidenote…Mommy is not a big fan of YouTube…those people who make a ton of money doing stupid shit makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon while listening to circus music….not all the videos and streams are bad there are just a lot out there that are completely fucking ridiculous and irritate the patience right out of my last nerve.

I have told her “no” every single time and yet here she is every five minutes making sure I haven’t changed my mind..Pffft! You know because that has ever happened…(nope)…At this point I refrain from answering her questions because I am not sure that I will be nice…or even eight year old appropriate. She waits only about thirty-four seconds and then stomps off to her room and slams the door….another thing that makes my fucking skin crawl and boils my blood to no end.

Enter the teenaged boy….also unbelieveably bored to the point of almost banging his head against his computer desk. The desk being more valuable than his head when he’s asked…drama…He has crawled out of his cave due to the door slamming…and has decided to seize this time of opportunity to ask about his license and driving practice….another thing that completly stresses me out…like bite your nails and lose your hair while gaining an ulcer, type of stress.

Ha! All that and we are not even mentioning the constant eating and spilling and the….”he took my___!”…..”she wont let me have the__!”……… “can I have more ___?”…….. “he hit me!”…. *insert random high volume Velociraptor screeches at random throughout the day* hahaha!!! I almost forgot about the homeschooling requirement since the COVID-19 situation closed down all the schools….that’s super awesome…I can honestly say that I didn’t homeschool before for a REASON.. because I am not a teacher, and can admit that….but no now I am, in fact, not just a teacher but a homeschool teacher..so there’s that!

I miss school….that was a glorious time…six whole hours that didn’t involve me in anyway….seems sooooo long ago.

My kid’s are driving me nuts.

*and then have the nerve to be adorable while sleeping making me think “awe they aren’t so baddd..” pffttt….darn little con-artists. lol*

I cannot be alone.

S. Sanity

Maybe It’s The Little Stuff

Hang in there little flower buddy!

Stop and smell the roses

I’m sure almost everyone has heard the saying above at one point or another in their life, and most of us understand the meaning…well mostly. With the whole world on lockdown due to the COVID-19 or Corona virus situation, stopping to smell the flowers is almost a NEED now-a-days!

Oso Flaco Lake, Ca

Of corse I am not saying to literally stop and smell every damn flower while you are out on your (now daily) walk around the neighborhood. Or even my personal favorite of taking a hike down an unbeaten path with your kids that leads to a gorgeous body of water! More of… an enjoy the small things type of situation..if you catch my drift. (pun intended)

Short story time!!! To explain what I mean…

Okay, so I have a friend who just so happens to come by my house almost everyday during the week….. (Yes I know, I know, I be a bit of a social distancing rebel! Muahaha!). Anywho, since the “virus induced house arrest” was put into place it really has been nice to see another adult for an hour or two. Also, there is the added bonus of her bringing her small critter along to occupy my little sour patch kids. There we were, sitting, visiting, and toking on the devils lettuce..you know, having some mommy time while our adorable little monsters played all too quietly in the back of the house. Well as we got to talking we found ourselves talking about the little things in life and how they mean more than one would expect. Around that time the level of noise in the back of the house rose up and we just so happen to be interrupted by one of the afore mentioned small creatures….(he’s two) And all he wanted was a hug and kiss!! Um…ADORABLE!! Why? Oh just because he was happy to have a friend over! That’s all! Simple. Pure. Joy. Spilling out from a two year old in the form of kisses and hugs for all!! Our hearts melted and our discussion of little things firmly justified we sat in silence for a few minutes then moved on to another topic. (HA! as most wacky tobacky folks do)

Kisses and hugs, getting a “flower” as a gift (thats actually a weed from the flower bed that was next to actual flowers that are not weeds lol).

Little things……

Orange Umbrella!

When you finally put the framed pictures up on your walls and semi-decorate your house! Or (my new fave) sitting in the backyard while sipping an icy beverage on a hot day. All under the NEW bright orange umbrella that you received for Mother’s Day that made you sooooo happy that you literally (and loudly according to the husband lol) squealed like a teenager who just got a car for their birthday! (oh yes that was me, totally guilty.. lol)

So weather you’re smelling the roses, sipping icy cool beverages under an orange umbrella, getting hugs and kisses, or visiting with a friend or two; try to enjoy the little things around you during your “virus time-out”!

I know I will!

S. Sanity

Quiet Time

Some of us (lets be honest MOST of us) do not realize how important self care is.

We are all guilty of neglecting ourselves at one time or another, espically during major life changes.

Like….

When you leave your parents house to go out on your own for the first time, and are fumbling with finances and finals. Do I have my English final on tuesday at two or was is friday at four, or was that when the water bill was due?…or was that when I scheduled that date?

Like….

When you are a newlywed and can only focus on the “us” of your life and what “we” need. Do we need a dog? Did you cut the grass? Call your mom, she wants to do dinner tommorrow….

Like..

When you become a parent for the first time and you have no clue as to what day it is, or when you ate last, or what that stain is on your shirt, or how long you have been wearing that shirt. When did the baby poop last? How much did the baby eat was it three ounces or five?

Life can be crazy…It’s supposed to be that way, we are supposed to learn from the craziness. But even when learning you have to take a break and rest.

My mom used to tell us kids that after a certain time at night we needed to be in our rooms and we could watch tv or read or play in our beds…as long as we were quiet and didn’t come out (only to use the bathroom) because it was mommys “quiet time”.

As a child this rule bothered me…I liked to be with my mom and I usually would sit and watch tv with her, not being loud or even talking that much really. No matter what at about nine at night it was: “Okay go brush your teeth and go to bed it’s quiet time kids! I love you! Good Night!”

I completely understand this rule now. But I call it “alone time”, and everyone needs it from time to time.

So take a breath, don’t text or call anyone, forget finals, laundry , and ramen noodles for just a few minutes.

Inhale…enjoy the flowers in your yard, you can always call mom tomorrow about dinner, breathe in the subtle love of cooking a meal together, saying good night and I love you. Stay up and write in your journal or catch the last half of the game after they went to bed if thats your cup of tea.

Put the kids to bed and change your shirt and binge for a while, the baby is fine and pooped whenever they pooped last and they ate who cares how much,,,

Take a moment or even two….Just to realign your soul or whatever you happen to believe in and focus on you. No shame in it, be proud you love yourself enough (and everyone around you) to give yourself time to just exist and do you.

Self Care, Be Aware.

S. Sanity

I’am Pretty Sure Mom’s a Wizard: A Childs Perspective on the Magic of Motherhood

Episode One.

Alright…mom here…as a parental unit of many critters that are currently in training (for the circus it would seem sometimes), I feel the need to explain; my children have this werid suspicion that I in fact have some sort of magical powers!? (if only) Yet, I assure you there is no wizardry here, and the only spells I know stem from a series of books turned movies whose name goes without mentioning! lol

So anyways, these creatures of mine have decided to “investigate” and “test” mommys magical powers , and my patience if we are being honest. So here from the mouths of babe we have my narritative of this “investigation” of theirs. Enjoy!

Guys we have a situation….I think my mom is a WIZARD!?!? I’m eight and since I am getting older I have noticed some very interesting things about my MOM! I can only think she must have magic powers!?

Ahh…I love overhearing my eight year old when she is on her Google Meet meeting with her school friends. The current topic is how I am aparently full of suspicious abilities..

No guys I swear the other yesterday ago, I was playing with my baby brother outside in our backyard,and my mom yelled “get the baby!” cuz she knew he was in the front before I even knew and she was inside! I was like OH MY GOD are you a fortune lady?!

Yeah…I love my kids verbage hahaha “yesterday ago” translates easier than “fortune lady” which could be either a fortune teller or one of the fairys from Sleeping Beauty, but you get the picture.

Andddd then guys, no for real, like really she always knows when my dad is going to be home before he gets there to my house! Its really freaky guys?! She even understands my baby brother when no one else can!!! This is a serious situation and I will tell you guys if more things happen, but look at your moms too cuz maybe your mom is magic too!

oh be still my heart! Ha she’s so darn cute, and challage accepted wee one…challage accepted.

She doesn’t know that I’ve overheard her and have decided to really show off my magic skills! LOL

So fast forwared to a few days later , it’s hot outside and she is BORED out of her mind and I am doing dishes. I happened to see that our neighbor across the street whose granddaughter she is buddies with is home…along with her granddaughter who was at that moment walking towards our house. My sweet critter was completely clueless to this, so I walked out of the kitchen and to the front door,opened it, then walked back to the kitchen and proceeded to finish the dishes.

She watched me do this and looked out the door to see that no one was there, perplexed she said: “mom why did you open the door?”

“My moms a WIZARD!”

8 yr old daughter

Placing my hand on my forhead palm out, I shut my eyes and in my best monotone future seeing voice said, “you will have a visitor very very soon”

The neighbors granddaughter rang the doorbell just as my kids jaw fell to the floor. HA! Score One for magic mom! I can’t wait until she tells her friends about this !

Tune in next week for how I destroyed the brain of a teenage who now may or maynot believe in magic! haha

S. Sanity