As I get older, experiencing more and more of life’s circus acts, I’ve come to realize that for life to run smoothly you have to properly communicate with one another. I mean really communicate, not just texting or Facebook, actually calling and talking to one another even if at times it can be hard to do….It always seems easier to just not say anything…
I do realize that was semi-cryptic…let me explain.
What I mean is in our daily lives we have countless opportunities to communicate with a vast number of people, most of which are our close family, friends, and co-workers. We say “Hi” and “Good Morning! How are you?” we make small talk, or what passes for small talk now-a-days, but that is far from what I mean by communicate! In our quest to electronically be more connected to one another we have very effectively cut out our human connection by communicating with each other. Everywhere right now in this holiday season families are gathering with one another having delicious and delicately prepared dinners and dealing with family members that they are not fond of; Most of them staring at their phones texting, playing games, checking their Facebook. This isn’t all that bad, it’s fine….but our children need to see real communication between adults, the kind that makes life easier.
We all argue and we all fight, then we look back and think, “that was over something so dumb!”….but then a short time later we are back at it again over something just as stupid, possibly different but equally small in the scheme of things. I’ve seen a ton of relationships go down the drain purely because they didn’t talk about how they felt, they didn’t communicate. We need to say how we feel, if something that has to do with someone is bothering us we need to speak up and talk to that person, like an adult, calmly and openly looking for a solution to the issue; If there is not a solution and lets say a friendship ends yet you still work together then part respectfully and coexist that was as well.
You don’t have to LIKE someone to EXIST with them!! Let’s be real here, the best example I have of this is the “in-law” relationship! BOOM! No matter what side of that relationship or which members (either; wife, husband, his mom, his dad, her mom, her dad) perspective you decide to analyze you always end up with at least one set that doesn’t exactly see eye to eye.
Communication: of Latin origin meaning “to share” 1.the imparting or exchanging of information or news. 2.means of connection between people or places, in particular.
Think about that, to share and exchange information as a means of connecting with people or places. We usually communicate the most often with those we are close with and who we love, but I am talking about effective and productive communication! Yes! Like in couples therapy or marriage counseling where we use “I” words and describe our feeling without attacking one another; i.e. “when _____ happens it makes ME feel like _____.” and “I feel that _____ happens when you _____, making ME feel _____”. As “corny” or “silly” as it sounds, when you tell someone (even your children) that; “When you get angry and shout at me it makes me feel bad and I do not end up understanding why it is that you are shouting, I feel it would be best if we tried not speaking until we no longer feel like yelling.” (as a general example but I think you get where I am going with this..) If how you feel is said calm and straight forward then whomever you are talking to will reciprocate the same demeanor..what is happening is called communication..(the key to life, as my dad puts it, and I agree)….then finding a common ground, compromise, or solution starts to from. It doesn’t only work with couples and married people, (yes I used the term people, as you have more than just husband and wife in this world! Completely a joyous and wonderful thing in my eyes, even though I am straight.) it works for all types of relationships that can have issues or problems, which is any relationship involving two people! If your relationship involves only one person then you have more serious issues, possibly of the mental variety!! LOL!
The Mother In-Laws:
Okay, in most movies the mother-in-law is always horrid but they usually focus on the husbands mother as for some reason the stereo type is that moms are usually more over-protective of their sons verses daughters. Either way my feeling is that the relationships between both the husband and her mom and the wife and his mom, have the tendency to be tense (to say the least). Not a new thing I know but if they all communicated with one another openly and accepted the fact that no matter how they feel about their in-law two people are now husband and wife and only THEY can do anything about that, then maybe it would not be as tense. (intense is more like it! ha!) Sit down and have a talk with one another no phones just actual calm talking, find out why that person has an issue or tell them (respectfully and calmly) what your issue is. We are human and we have feelings, all of us do, so keep in mind that they also have feelings! And when those feelers of ours get hurt we all tend increase the volume of our voices! (yelling!!) When this,sometimes sudden, “increase of voice” happens the listening and communication stops so walk away and maybe try again another time. You married this Mamma bear when you married your hubby/wifey so don’t ever give up on this relationship because this is the person who created someone who YOU found so spectacular that you claimed them as your own! Some respect must be given, and comprise is a beauty but it takes communication, sometimes a lot of it but it will be worth it for everyone in the end! No matter how hard it may seem at times! LOL!
Not one to be taken lightly, the father-in-law, but also is stereo-typed in movies as overly protective of his daughter so the tension is typically between him and the man who married his baby girl!! But sometimes the husband’s father is not to fond of his new daughter-in-law…or even vice versa! Same as with Mamma bear, Pappa bear gets the same credit for creating someone fantastic enough for you to want to spend the rest of your life together, so give a little and communicate! Not every problem can just magically be solved by communicating, once again if a solution cannot be found then maybe this is a “let’s respectively disagree” situation and the issue should just be put to bed and both sides should try to not let it bother them. Not letting it bother you can be hard, I know, but we as adults have this thing called self control and we can still be taught new tricks. (contrary to the common phrase, “can’t teach an old dog new tricks!”)
Friendships, His Best Friends and Her Best Friends:
We love our best friends, and they play a very important part in our lives and most of them have been in our lives long before the person we choose to marry. But what do we do when the person we married and our best friend do not particularly care for each other? Men and women are very different and take our best friends opinions in that way, differently….in any case we all value our best friends opinion, no matter how we or anyone else takes those opinions. So when there is tension between our loves and our bestest pal life gets harder than it needs to be and there ends up being one more thing to stress about!! (as if there are not enough things throwing stressful shit at us!) Once again, COMMUNICATE! Really try, no matter what, if your the best friend or if you are significant other, try to work out whatever it is, as adults!! I feel like this certain relationship is the only one that there should never be a “let’s respectively disagree” situation, most of the issues in these relationships are small and if the two love the middle person then they will get along and love each other! The End! I’ve seen friendships of more than 20 years go down the drain just because the person doesn’t get along with the significant other, and the only person who really gets hurt in that ending is the person in the middle, someone you love.
Let’s Just Agree To Disagree, Okay?
There are times when you just have to agree to disagree, respectively. I can only explain this with a made up example. So husband and wife of 5 years, dated for 5 years and have been married for 5 years, love each other very much but seem to keep having an issue with the mother of the wife and the husband. The mother doesn’t like the husbands job, but he makes good money and his wife tells him to ignore the dumb comments she sometimes makes when he is late to a family dinner because of work or what not because she loves him and knows her mother is just crazy sometimes. Both husband and the wife have talked to the wife’s mother about his job and her comments but the mother still keeps at it, this is the “let’s agree to disagree” or “let’s respectively disagree” situation. Fighting with mommy dearest is pointless, talking it out got nowhere, and lets face it her comments really do not hurt anything and can be ignored. He can politely ignore her and change the subject when she does it and the peace will be kept, so the wife doesn’t have to suffer in the middle of hubby and mommy always at each others throats.
No matter what the situation is that you find yourself in, try to just simply communicate with one another…you may find that things go a lot smoother!
Sorry so long winded! Thanks for reading! Hope you took something away from this one!