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why?

You know sometimes I do not know what the world is coming to. Not just the world but all of us in it as well. I mean sometimes, well actually all of the time, I just see the bad in the world truly the people in the world. Everyone is only thinking about themselves, their life, their needs, their wants. People don’t even try anymore, they do not even try to be nice, they do not try to decent to each other. I see people on the corner, varieties of back stories, all with one thing in common…they are homeless and asking for help. Parents with their kids, veterans, disabled adults, teens, people who are so messed up on Meth and shit that you cannot even tell what fucking age they are. That is a fact true to almost every single city in the United States, and it is sad. Sad that they are in that situation and sad that so many people in this country ignore it. They pass by avoiding eye contact, or even give a shy smile, few of us CAN give and most of us do not WANT to give up any of our hard-earned money. I’m just saying it is very sad, the world is very sad underneath and fake on top, wearing our façade ignorantly.

When you start to see things from that point of view, you begin noticing the fake inconsistencies in everything and everyone. The worst is that when you see the fake in everyone, okay so not the fake, let me rephrase that. The worst is when you see people for who they are you also see their true intentions, and it always starts with what we have considered to be our closest friends and family. Think about it the people who have hurt us the most are our closest friends and family members. We all know this to be true, in some way or another. But either way, that’s not what this story is about.

When you find that special someone and you go through the motions of a relationship, taking the “big” steps like moving in together or getting a pet together, then the engagement. During this time weather it’s years, months or days how well do you really get to know each other? When do the real personalities come out? I’ve witnessed and been in a lot of unhealthy relationships, but that I think is true for most people. I won’t name any names, and I am not going to sugar coat it either, facts are facts and as hard as the truth can be to hear, that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be talked about. So, heads up shit might get a bit real and I am not talking about ignoring homeless vets either.

 

Abuse.

There are many ways to abuse someone, especially now with all of our advancing technology. But now when it happens what do you do? If you see it, what do you do? Do you try to stop it? Do you ask for help? Whatever your choice it or your situation, we all handle it differently. Let me be very clear, different is NOT wrong, at least most of the time. And I firmly believe that abuse is wrong, no matter what or who that situation or circumstances involve. So here it goes. The sound of fists hitting a face is a very distinct sound, like when you are in a car crash, it’s a sound that is not easily forgotten if you have ever experienced it.

I remember that it was very sunny that day, warm but with a cool breeze. I couldn’t tell you what day of the week it was but I know it was after noon and I wasn’t doing anything specific that day but I was watching tv, binge watching Netflix. Most likely I had to pee so that’s why I went into the house from the safety of my bedroom, but that is when I heard it. Not the yelling that I had been hearing on and off for an hour or so but that skin to skin sound. I heard it four times really fast in a row, along with grunting and sounds of a female in pain, we have all heard a fight go down, so you know that sound. It was coming from outside, from the travel trailer to be exact where the brother lives. Knowing what was happening and armed with the fact that both the brother and his girlfriend were meth users, I decided it would be best to let the father know. He had already heard and was in the process of going out to “deal” with the situation, as was the mother of the family.

Pause. Okay, people fight, some more than others but it’s true. There are different types of fights though, and fighters. A little background on the couple in question, their fights tend to be explosive. Explosive in the way where walls get fist and head holes and doors are slammed so hard that they basically evaporate. Now in this family, how things really work is that the mother is the ruler of all, and she is a twisted pup. He really had done a number to her face this time, I was told from kneeing her in the face repeatedly. So mother decided that she needed to be “kept” here until she healed, so that way her baby boy wouldn’t get sent to jail. Keep in mind this happened a lot, but never this bad, and it is not like we all idly stood by and watched either. The father was always sent out to make them stop, against my protest of their “small” fights eventually escalating, that was just how they handled it. Personally, I feel that everyone gave this woman ample chances to get away from him, she just always found her way back. Like a stray animal that you fed once and now comes back every now and then for more. Yes, that explains this girl perfect.

When is enough, enough though? I mean how many people have self-esteem so low its non-existent enough to keep coming back to this. Well I guess for her she hadn’t reached the limit yet, she left and came back before, not this time. This time he had beaten her good, physically and emotionally. Are you ready for the worst part, she has a son, who at the time was 3 years old who also suffered emotional abuse from his mother’s boyfriend. There were rumors of him hitting the kid in front of his friends but never any physical evidence of it, the emotional abuse though was easily spotted. So what would you do in this situation? Call the cops? Try to get her and the kid out, again? Just ignore it?

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A Christmas Wish…

I wished for world peace,

I wished for the end of world hunger,

I wished my sick friends well,

I wished my parents would find work,

I wished we didn’t have to move so much,

I wished my brother and sister and I had our own rooms,

I wished we didn’t live in a trailer,

I wished we had hot water for our baths,

I wished we had clothes that fit,

I wished, and I wished.

I used every shooting star I saw, on every dandelion’s dancing seed,

I used every candle on my birthday cake, and every coin thrown in the wishing lake.

I wished, and I wished…

There was no peace, everyone was still hungry, my parents still had no work, we moved and moved,

The couch was still my bed, we still lived in a tiny trailer, we still boiled water for our baths, and our hand-me-down clothes were a bit too small.

So I stopped wishing,

I wrote my very last letter to Santa at ten years old,

I wrote down the only thing I wanted for Christmas.

I signed my name, folded the letter, placed it in the envelope, stuck on a stamp and put it in a near by mail box.

Dear Santa,

I’ve wished, I’ve prayed, I’ve done everything I know to try a make everything better…So if you could, just this once, bring me present this year I promise I will never ask for another present and still will be a good girl…

All I want for Christmas is a home.

Sincerely, Too Many of Our Babies!

By: S.Sanity

Communication is Key

ignoring-family

As I get older, experiencing more and more of life’s circus acts, I’ve come to realize that for life to run smoothly you have to properly communicate with one another. I mean really communicate, not just texting or Facebook, actually calling and talking to one another even if at times it can be hard to do….It always seems easier to just not say anything

I do realize that was semi-cryptic…let me explain.

What I mean is in our daily lives we have countless opportunities to communicate with a vast number of people, most of which are our close family, friends, and co-workers. We say “Hi” and “Good Morning! How are you?” we make small talk, or what passes for small talk now-a-days, but that is far from what I mean by communicate! In our quest to electronically be more connected to one another we have very effectively cut out our human connection by communicating with each other. Everywhere right now in this holiday season families are gathering with one another having delicious and delicately prepared dinners and dealing with family members that they are not fond of; Most of them staring at their phones texting, playing games, checking their Facebook. This isn’t all that bad, it’s fine….but our children need to see real communication between adults, the kind that makes life easier.

talking

We all argue and we all fight, then we look back and think, “that was over something so dumb!”….but then a short time later we are back at it again over something just as stupid, possibly different but equally small in the scheme of things. I’ve seen a ton of relationships go down the drain purely because they didn’t talk about how they felt, they didn’t communicate. We need to say how we feel, if something that has to do with someone is bothering us we need to speak up and talk to that person, like an adult, calmly and openly looking for a solution to the issue; If there is not a solution and lets say a friendship ends yet you still work together then part respectfully and coexist that was as well.

You don’t have to LIKE someone to EXIST with them!! Let’s be real here, the best example I have of this is the “in-law” relationship! BOOM! No matter what side of that relationship  or which members (either; wife, husband, his mom, his dad, her mom, her dad) perspective you decide to analyze  you always end up with at least one set that doesn’t exactly see eye to eye.

Communication: of Latin origin meaning “to share” 1.the imparting or exchanging of information or news. 2.means of connection between people or places, in particular.

Think about that, to share and exchange information as a means of connecting with people or places. We usually communicate the most often with those we are close with and who we love, but I am talking about effective and productive communication! Yes! Like in couples therapy or marriage counseling where we use “I” words and describe our feeling without attacking one another; i.e. “when _____  happens it makes ME feel like _____.” and “I feel that _____ happens when you _____, making ME feel _____”. As “corny” or “silly” as it sounds, when you tell someone (even your children) that; “When you get angry and shout at me it makes me feel bad and I do not end up understanding why it is that you are shouting, I feel it would be best if we tried not speaking until we no longer feel like yelling.” (as a general example but I think you get where I am going with this..) If how you feel is said calm and straight forward then whomever you are talking to will reciprocate the same demeanor..what is happening is called communication..(the key to life, as my dad puts it, and I agree)….then finding a common ground, compromise, or solution starts to from. It doesn’t only work with couples and married people, (yes I used the term people, as you have more than just husband and wife in this world! Completely a joyous and wonderful thing in my eyes, even though I am straight.) it works for all types of relationships that can have issues or problems, which is any relationship involving two people! If your relationship involves only one person then you have more serious issues, possibly of the mental variety!! LOL!

 motherinlaw

The Mother In-Laws:

Okay, in most movies the mother-in-law is always horrid but they usually focus on the husbands mother as for some reason the stereo type is that moms are usually more over-protective of their sons verses daughters. Either way my feeling is that the relationships between both the husband and her mom and the wife and his mom, have the tendency to be tense (to say the least). Not a new thing I know but if they all communicated with one another openly and accepted the fact that no matter how they feel about their in-law two people are now husband and wife and only THEY can do anything about that, then maybe it would not be as tense. (intense is more like it! ha!) Sit down and have a talk with one another no phones just actual calm talking, find out why that person has an issue or tell them (respectfully and calmly) what your issue is. We are human and we have feelings, all of us do, so keep in mind that they also have feelings! And when those feelers of ours get hurt we all tend increase the volume of our voices! (yelling!!) When this,sometimes sudden, “increase of voice” happens the listening and communication stops so walk away and maybe try again another time. You married this Mamma bear when you married your hubby/wifey so don’t ever give up on this relationship because this is the person who created someone who YOU found so spectacular that you claimed them as your own! Some respect must be given, and comprise is a beauty but it takes communication, sometimes a lot of it but it will be worth it for everyone in the end! No matter how hard it may seem at times! LOL!

maddad

The Father-In-Law:

Not one to be taken lightly, the father-in-law, but also is stereo-typed in movies as overly protective of his daughter so the tension is typically between him and the man who married his baby girl!! But sometimes the husband’s father is not to fond of his new daughter-in-law…or even vice versa! Same as with Mamma bear, Pappa bear gets the same credit for creating someone fantastic enough for you to want to spend the rest of your life together, so give a little and communicate! Not every problem can just magically be solved by communicating, once again if a solution cannot be found then maybe this is a “let’s respectively disagree” situation and the issue should just be put to bed and both sides should try to not let it bother them. Not letting it bother you can be hard, I know, but we as adults have this thing called self control and we can still be taught new tricks. (contrary to the common phrase, “can’t teach an old dog new tricks!”)

best-friends

Friendships, His Best Friends and Her Best Friends:

We love our best friends, and they play a very important part in our lives and most of them have been in our lives long before the person we choose to marry. But what do we do when the person we married and our best friend do not particularly care for each other? Men and women are very different and take our best friends opinions in that way, differently….in any case we all value our best friends opinion, no matter how we or anyone else takes those opinions. So when there is tension between our loves and our bestest pal life gets harder than it needs to be and there ends up being one more thing to stress about!! (as if there are not enough things throwing stressful shit at us!) Once again, COMMUNICATE! Really try, no matter what, if your the best friend or if you are significant other, try to work out whatever it is, as adults!! I feel like this certain relationship is the only one that there should never be a “let’s respectively disagree” situation, most of the issues in these relationships are small and if the two love the middle person then they will get along and love each other! The End! I’ve seen friendships of more than 20 years go down the drain just because the person doesn’t get along with the significant other, and the only person who really gets hurt in that ending is the person in the middle, someone you love.

 

Let’s Just Agree To Disagree, Okay?

There are times when you just have to agree to disagree, respectively. I can only explain this with a made up example. So husband and wife of 5 years, dated for 5 years and have been married for 5 years, love each other very much but seem to keep having an issue with the mother of the wife and the husband. The mother doesn’t like the husbands job, but he makes good money and his wife tells him to ignore the dumb comments she sometimes makes when he is late to a family dinner because of work or what not because she loves him and knows her mother is just crazy sometimes. Both husband and the wife have talked to the wife’s mother about his job and her comments but the mother still keeps at it, this is the “let’s agree to disagree” or “let’s respectively disagree” situation. Fighting with mommy dearest is pointless, talking it out got nowhere, and lets face it her comments really do not hurt anything and can be ignored. He can politely ignore her and change the subject when she does it and the peace will be kept, so the wife doesn’t have to suffer in the middle of hubby and mommy always at each others throats.

No matter what the situation is that you find yourself in, try to just simply communicate with one another…you may find that things go a lot smoother!

Sorry so long winded! Thanks for reading! Hope you took something away from this one!

S.Sanity

Rant! This Damn Country of Ours!

Alright! This is going to be one of those posts  where I do a bit of bitching..sorry…but you have been fairly warned.

I get that having health coverage is a law now and it’s important for your well being too, but seriously! How is it that our government and it’s officials are able to only think of ONE single aspect of life when making certain laws. I just can’t imagine that when they decided to make it a requirement for the American people to have health coverage that they thought about how the fuck we were going to be able to afford said coverage, and on top of that the DAMN CO-PAYS!! They let companies pay American people low wages and then turn around and make laws requiring us to pay for more things that we NEED as humans. Like food, water, shelter, and health care, all are basic minimum human necessities; it’s not  like the people of this country are not willing to work for these things either, but when companies are allowed to pay you only a minimum wage and that minimum wage, even at full time, only pays the bills with just a little bit extra for things like food, clothing, a co-pay for your sick child, gas to get to work. Seriously, I have heard on the news and in debates about how the people of this country need help, more medi-care, more welfare and what not. I have met people and seen my own mother crying in our kitchen because she didn’t know how she was going to feed her kids and still have electricity in our house!

It’s sad…we need more welfare? No! That fixes absolutely NOTHING! What we really need….now you’ll want to sit down for this one…(so the common sense doesn’t knock you on your ass) .

WE NEED A FUCKING LIVING WAGE!!!!

That one thing would drastically change this country. lets do some math (no worries its not even complicated math)

In my area the minimum wage was just raised to $10 per hour. Okay that’s good right? sure, right?

In my area the average rent for a 3 bedroom apartment is $1900. So if you are working for 10 dollars an hour and you manage to find a job allowing you to work 40 hours a week that is $400 a week or  $800 every two weeks and $1600 a month. Wait! Did you get that??? rent is $1900 and you make $1600 a month, and that is before the government takes out their cut in taxes! Doesn’t quite add up right? according to that you end up owing $300 each month, and that does NOT include, utilities like; water, sewer, trash, electricity, and gas…all basic needs for any living person in a home. So what the fuck?! That is with a minimum wage that was just raised too?

Okay, so at this point we would turn to our welfare offices for assistance, and you would qualify for sure for food assistance and possibly a low income rental assistance where they help pay part of your rent. Cool, very cool, but wait! There is a limit on how much money you can make to qualify for assistance, for a family of four in our area that is about $2300 per month, before taxes. Working the numbers backwards, that means that the minimum you can make in my area to live is $14.38 per hour and you must work 40 hours a week! That is the maximum wage you can make to before you start to not qualify for government assistance, so can you live here without assistance at that number? well lets see.

If you’re making $2300 a month and your rent is $1900 that leaves you with $400 left over for utilities like; water,sewer, trash, electricity, and gas…and food….and gas to get to work…and car insurance….that $400 needs to stretch pretty far doesn’t it???? But just for the arguments sake lets just divide the $400 by the 8 extra things that you have to pay for in addition to renting a place to live, that allows you to afford  exactly $50 for each of those bills…..50 bucks for water, 50 for gas, 50 for electricity, 50 for sewer, 50 for trash, and so on!

A little bit of information for those of you who have never had to pay for those types of things, NONE OF THEM ONLY COST $50!!!! more like 100 a piece until you get to food for a month and gas for your car for a month then it is a LOT more!!!

So what is my final point!?  My point is that how can the American people expect to not go hungry and not to be homeless when we are set up to fail at it! How can we live with out assistance when companies are not even required to pay us a living wage, or rent a place to live when landlords can charge outrageously high rents?? How can we get by when we stop qualifying for our assistance programs as soon as we make a certain amount per month, and that amount is NOT enough to live off of either?? HOW??? JUST FUCKING HOW????

confused

HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE WEATHER TO BUY FOOD FOR OUR CHILDREN OR PAY THE GAS BILL SO THEY ARE WARM???!!!! HOW??? WE NEED OUR GOVERNMENT TO RECOGNIZED THAT THEY ARE CREATING THE HOMELESS, STARVING OUR CHILDREN, SETTING US UP TO FAIL AND THEN BLAMING US!!

Alright…sorry about the horrible language in this post but this is a very hard hitting issue, and the thought of my kids going through all of the same things I’ve gone through and that my parents went through makes me get slightly heated.

Thank you for reading.

Sally Sanity

 

Interbeing-A View on Our Place in the World.

This is an essay I wrote for a US History class in college. The assignment was to buy a plant and take care of it, reporting it’s progress as it grew, then read different essays from the book “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh out in nature and reflect on what we had read. I ended up learning a lot and enjoyed this assignment. I hope you enjoy it too!

interbeing

Over the Summer I decided to start a garden, a salsa vegetable garden to be exact. I love my garden, it is a very tranquil and peaceful place. While I water my tomatoes, serrano peppers, and jalapeno peppers; my mind can’t help but wander off thinking of how my garden changes day by day, growing. Checking in every day to see how it has progressed has become a daily ritual for me, it is always exciting to see how my Roma tomatoes are changing from green then to orange and finally red, reflecting the deep red hazy sunsets that we have been having recently.

In the essay interbeing the world is viewed as a whole, explaining that everything in the universe is connected. That no one thing can exist without a whole array of other things. I cannot exist without the sun; which grew the food, that feed my mother, who in turn grew me. The author explains how, on the single sheet of paper this essay is written on, that it took a complete cycle for that one single paper to exist, the cycle of life.  This essay illustrates the cycle of life with this simple statement, “Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow; and without trees, we cannot make paper.”  Appreciating where everything comes from and knowing that no one thing exists completely alone, that everything is connected, is very important in understanding the consequences of our actions. As the essay says, “Suppose we return the sunshine to the sun. do you think that this sheet of paper will be possible? No,” One element of the cycle cannot be removed, if you do then everything else would cease to exist.

As I sit at the beach, reading this essay under the cooling shade of an almost completely bare tree; I feel connected to the soft sand that I am digging my bare feet into and the calming persistence of the waves crashing against the shore. One with time and nature, I feel this connection even as I closed my eyes, hearing the seagulls shriek over the sound of people and dogs playing at the water’s edge.  I know we all started the same, are all made of the same variation of elements and without me they are not here and without them I am not here. Seeing this cycle in action humbles me down to my very soul.